We all worry about the future. What is tomorrow going to be like? Some of us are a 100% sure. They have it all planed out since the starting. Then there are others, like me, who have a vague idea as to what their tomorrow should be like but somehow it gets murkier by the second.
Obfuscated tomorrows are what make my future. Is it bad?? Well,I tend to believe that there is a majority of people like me out there who have no idea as to what is their tomorrow going to be like. The species who miraculously do have an idea about the same are very rare to find(not saying that they don’t exist as I have examples in front of me already) .
All I am saying is , don’t be disconsolated by the fact that you can’t see what your tomorrow would be like. Maybe, its for good. Maybe, there is something better to come. Maybe, you get a chance to shape it the way you want at your own pace. Future is frightening,I agree. But all the good things take time to come. So maybe this murky tomorrow might hold a better meaning than we think and gives us the limpidity we need.
“Good things take time to come”
We have heard this phrase so many times. And a pessimist like me would just think it as absurd. I used to believe that these things don’t happen in real life. But, at this precise moment, I am glad that I am proven wrong.
It is now my belief that after all the hardships that a person goes through, it pays off in the end. The tears are replaced by the light of hope in the eyes. The fake smile is replaced by the grin which doesn’t leave your face all day. Thats when you know you have found your lotusland.
You are content. You are happy. But again, I must mention for all those pessimists out there, the happiness is here to stay . You deserve it. You may think that soon this happiness will vanish and replaced by more sorrow. But it ain’t the case. Look in the mirror, smile and say to yourself that “I have found my lotusland. I am finally happy. It is here to stay. All my dreams are going to come true and there is hope for more to come.”
I say this as I have been through the “good times never come” phase. But this caprice is the result of me finding my own lotusland. I hope you find yours soon.
There comes a point in life when you pause everything for a moment and look back at everything you have been through to reach that point.
When you look back what all do you see?
We see the negative chapters first. It is a human tendency I guess , that we tend to see/think negative first . We will think the worst situation possible always. We see what all we have been through.What all happened, what could have happened but did not. What do we do next? We are remorseful for what all bad we did. Then comes the part where we regret the things that DID NOT happen. I mean, what is the point of that I really don’t grasp. Why regret something that never existed in the first place?BUT, we are humans, we need to feel everything. Even the things which do not exist but are fragments of our own imagination. Bravo on this talent we possess.
We go over every tiny sad detail as if we are going to have a competitive examination about the same. And when we have wallowed in self pity, we turn to the good chapters. We turn the pages of the happy chapters very quickly indeed as we are scared as to what awaits after this gets over.
Looking back is one hell of a task. I am at a point where I want to look back but not feel a thing anymore. Just look back, register what all you have learned, smile and bid goodbye to everything that happened and then move on. Thats what looking back should be!!
When life pushes you down again and again, there comes a point when you just want to give up!! Phrases like “When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade” make you “I -Might-Punch-U-in-the-face” angry!
Well, sometimes you don’t want lemonades anymore. You are sick and tired of lemonades and all you want to do is THROW the lemons !! How much can a person take ?? What is the price of being sweet and nice and a pushover when all you get is lemons??
The abundance of lemons coming your way make you ponder, is it just you?? Does everything keep on happening to you only? Are you actually doing everything wrong? This realisation follows with a series of self doubts and self loathing. Followed by low self esteem and frustration . Followed by the epiphany that ” Maybe it’s me !!”
By the arrival of every lemon you can’t expect a metamorphosis in me. One might think I am being ludicrous talking about lemons and self loathing. But mind you me, these are some serious facts which lead to the epiphany that something might actually be wrong with me rather than the world. So the lemons have taught me a lot. Most importantly that they have made me hate lemonade, which I used to love at one point of time. Also, that maybe it is indeed me who is at fault. Maybe I think I am doing right but I am most certainly not.
But for now, as one cannot resilience that quickly after repeated blows, lets just throw the lemons.
We all hear this a lot,” Have faith” . People have been telling this to us for ages to help us calm down in bad situations and to keep our hopes up.
People also tell us ” have faith in me” when they want us to trust them. When there is a calamity or riots , we all come together and pray. Because we have faith. And it works. Doesn’t it ??
My faith,if u ask me , is gradually fading. I won’t say that I have seen the worst situations in my life and hence I am stating so. There are millions of people out there who have seen a zillion times worse situations than I can’t even imagine to deal with. But for me, in this lifetime uptill now, I have seen enough for the faith to start fading.
There is war and there is hunger. There is bloodshed and there is slaughter. Mankind has lost its essence . The ethos which made up the foundation of humanity has vanished into thin air replaced by corruption, hatred and disloyalty. Love has been replaced by lust and disloyalty. Trust is just another word used by people who do not even deserve to use it in the first place.
In the midst of all this, do you blame me if the faith fades away? How can we have a visceral trust that it will all be alright, lets keep faith? I might be sounding negative right now, but as I said, it is slowly fading away. It hasn’t gone entirely. I also won’t budge that easily. Even though its dawdling its way, I am going to keep the tiny bit I still have left and make something of it. It’s life and we need to make the most of it.
Have faith people.
First of all I need to apologise to all those people reading this. I haven’t been active on my blog for quite some time now and it isn’t fair to all of you who made an effort to follow my posts and my blog with utmost interest. I apologise to those who expected me to post regularly. Lastly, I apologies to myself for letting myself down by not keeping up with the one passion I have and that is to write.
I stumbled into an abyss without realising its after effects. Life took me by surprise . This abyss that I was into, made me realise that life is not that easy and simple. That fairy tales don’t exist and that words like “get over it” are just frustrating to even hear. How do you get out of it without being the victim? How do you not ask for help and still survive?
People “expect” from you. Lets not get into the fact that they don’t give a fig about your expectations. You peer from the abyss, hoping to see some light, some sense of direction but all you get is darkness and void. This abyss I am talking about, we all have been in it at some point or the other. Some of us maybe in it not yet realising it.
Hope is what keeps you going. Hope is what gives you strength to keep on peering in the dark till you finally see! I might not be making much sense , but there might be those who are reading this and having the slightest bit of realisation what I am actually blabbering about.
Get out of the abyss. Its a brighter world out there. I am hoping to get out of mine soon.
It seems only yesterday when I was fighting with my mother because she didn’t let me watch the television at night. It seems only yesterday when I couldn’t sleep at night as I had a test the next day and I knew I wasn’t well prepared. The only fights I had with my friends were the ones consisting of them not keeping a seat for me next to them at the auditorium or maybe not choosing me as their partner in the lab.
I would gladly swap those fights, worries and sleepless nights to the ones I face right now. Now it seems like my desultory actions cause troubles which affect so many lives that I can’t move an inch with having a whole combination of thoughts both good and bad playing in my mind before I take a step. My fight with my friends no longer vanish by the end of the day. They drag along for ages. My arguments with my mother no longer revolve around my television timings. My sleepless nights are not regarding me being worried about a test but about the future which is hazy.
When did we grow up??
As kids,the days would fly and we wouldn’t even realise . Right now, everyday just drags along. I check the watch a dozen times to know if its time for me to be in bed alone and finally sleep, shouting this world out for the night. Everything needs overthinking. We don’t think just for ourselves but for others as well. Some people overdo it and not only think for others but act for others as well which is not taken kindly in this generation. There is a lot of ego, temper and a tumultuous relationship between the heart and mind when it comes to the grown ups .
I am new to all these things, still figuring out the white , black and the grey. Its imperative that I get used to this but it ain’t a walk in the park.
When did we grow up?? When do we get used to it ??
Ever wondered how philosophical we get when we are lone and start pondering about where our life is going? You suddenly decide that you have had enough, now you won’t be a pushover , you will stand up to your peers and boss at work, you will not fall for the wrong boy/girl again, you will not give the power to anyone to break your heart!! You are motivated, its a realisation, an epiphany and you are driven by it. All is good and hunky dory .
Then, comes the time when after a few days , maybe even months, strikes another epiphany!! Its the epiphany of all epiphanies;“You can’t change who you are, you may alter a few things, lessen a few things or so, but you are who you are!!” This is my point of view, I might be clearly wrong. But hey, I am a human after all,being wrong is like a trait I guess.
After a heart break, we suffer, we swear never to fall for the same shit(apologies for the language) again. But what happens later?! We fall for the same shit again!! And again !! We might want to stand up to our boss at work. We might even do it once, and feel really good about it. But later, maybe in some other organisation or with some other boss, you might be back to square one. I am not saying we cannot stick to our decisions. I am simply putting light on the fact which I stumbled upon while pondering philosophically over a cup of tea on a Sunday morning, we get too many realisations, we even plan to stick to them but sooner or later, we get back to where we started!!
I hope that we all stick to what we decide and we don’t need new epiphanies every now and then to get us on track!!
I was told its going to be easy,
Falling in love ain’t that cheesy.
Its going to be flowers and hearts,
Once you are together , you never part.
I was told life would be all huky dory,
With tiny ups and downs but at the end glory!!
Blind faith , complete trust;
It has made me too cussed.
I was told it was all going to be ok,
That I should keep faith and I should pray.
It is a phase, this too shall pass,
My faith has been embedded by shards of broken past.
Ever since I joined the league of those people who earn, I must say times flies by and I have no recollection of it. I mean, weeks go by, and all I do is wake up- go to work – come back and fall asleep in front of the TV.
I am a being passionate about reading and writing. But even since the meteorite of office culture hit me, I hardly have thought of touching my bookshelf or checking my blog. How should I expiate this is beyond me?! I do enjoy my work, but I am slowly killing the passion which truly drives me. Which has kept me going. A book in the hand and coffee in the other is my idea of perfection. But somehow , being a corporate slave makes me think I am standing on a highway and times passes like one of the movie scenes of The Fast and the Furious with Toretto driving like the wind.
Occasionally partying does let me get the edge off, but not as mush as the pure bliss which I get when I do what I ardently love- READ. The guilt has been eating me from inside. How do I expiate it, please let me know. And for all this who work, remember:
“All work and no play, will make you a pathetic corporate slave. “