“Honey, this is not the right time for you to be doing this, wait for the right time”
“Sweetie, it is the right time. You should go for it”
We have often heard such statements since forever. Mostly from our parents and elders. They always know the “right time” for everything for us. Right time to have dinner, right time for bed, right time to do our homework, right time to come back home at night, right time to get married and settle down. It’s all about the right time. Then why is it that we still got hurt, we still failed, we still made mistakes?
I was pondering over this when it hit me. There is no right time. Our parents and elders made it the right time for us. What fate has in for us is all on our actions and the ones around us. Its KARMA. I am a fatalist hence I believe in this. You may or may not agree with me, but the right time depends on you and your actions . You can make the time right, you can take charge. People get married at 18 and people get married at 60. They make it right and it lasts forever.
Your actions and your belief will make your time the right time.
Every girl born is the princess to her parents. “Daddy’s little princess” as we have all heard girls mentioning themselves numerous times. And its true. A girl born is a blessing. Girls are sweet, innocent, sensitive, yet strong and empowered.
Every father, no matter the king or the peasant treats his daughter like a princess. Her every need, her every cry is priority to him. Fathers might get angry too, shout and scold them too but it is out of pure love and care. Every girl is unique in her own way and every princess is her fathers precious gem. They raise you with utmost love and affection, protecting you from the big bad world, not letting you know the vicissitudes that occur in order to raise them. Then comes a time when the father gives away his princess in marriage. That is one hell of a job, I still don’t know how they muster the strength to do so. But they do , with their head held high for the daughter they raised so perfectly and with so much care. The princess finally leaves her castle, only to go in another one.
It’s the job of the husband now to make her the queen. The princess is given responsibilities she had seen only her mother do all these years, she is given the authority to make decisions, to rule certain areas in the house. She is expected not to make mistakes and be perfect from day one. To succumb all the pressure, newness and do it all in one go- perfectly. Once she does that, the princess finally becomes a Queen. She has crossed that line and come on the other side, the “Real World” where not everything is hunky dory all the time as opposed to what the princess was used to.
Every girl makes this journey from princess to being the queen , a proud moment for the parents who raised her. Hats off to all the queens out there!!
There is a song by Lenka, “Everything at once“. Listening to that song made me realise that “Damn right, I do want to be everything at once” . Then I was hit by the fact that am I the only one weird enough to think on these lines or are other people also with me?!
Since childhood, I wanted to be good at sports, academics, an all rounder. Well its safe to say I somehow managed that in my childhood. Adulthood is an entirely different universe. When you adult, you are under the microscopic eye of everyone. Even the ones you met for the fist time and might never meet again. Being an adult marks you as the chosen one to be judged, criticised and praised.
I want to do wonders at my job, I want to be a good wife, an excellent daughter-in-law, sometime in the future an awesome super-mother( just like my mother) and so on…. the list is vast. Well, isn’t it a human tendency to be greedy. To want more and more and all of it. I always strive at being everything at once. There are times when I even achieve it. Also there are times when I spoil everything at once . You must have felt it too. The urge to do everything right. To be good and kind, yet smart and sly. To be calm and mature yet turbulent and childish.
I guess it’s not just me (huge relief). Lets all strive to be , if not everything, most of everything at once .
People say life is one hell of a roller coaster!! Well, I couldn’t agree more. What is life without a few ups and downs?! Not to mention a few jitters and surprises.
I have been MIA for long and I agree it ain’t good. Writing is my passion and somehow I gave it a back seat in my journey which is NOT acceptable by my conscience. So here I am apologising to myself and the rest of you reading this post. Also, I am here to share my new plans.
Life takes a sudden turn when you get married. Everything from your environment, household, lifestyle and family changes. Change is good!! But adapting to it takes its own course. Its been more than two months now. I am finally settled and now I have started on a new path all together.
Taking a drastic step takes a lot of courage. Its taking the first step which is the hardest. Be it anything. In our tenure in various phases, we have to take the first step in the starting of every phase. Be it a child taking its first step while he learns to walk, a child going to school for the first time, a man choosing to marry a girl and have his own family, a couple thinking of starting a family with the first child and so on. Its the first step which is taken very cautiously and timidly. With every ounce of care and courage at the same time. I am of the mind that once the first step is taken, most of the task is done. Now you have to go with the flow. Just like the water in a flowing river. It makes its own path then.
First steps are the hardest, after that its all smooth sailing with few bumps here and there which are corrigible. So take that first step and trust yourself!
For months now, I have been going on and on about the Indian Weddings. How everyone reacts, feels and goes about with the customs and “traditions” .
I also know I have been off the grid lately but I have a very reasonable explanation for the same. The final countdown has begun!! The wedding everyone has been preparing for around me is in its final phase. Final touches are being given to everything. Final checklists are being prepared and finally I can see everyone losing their cool now and then. Also, did I mention the wonderful concept of ” wedding jitters” which every bride feels a few days before her wedding? It is indeed a feeling which has no measure. It can make you nauseous, make you rip someones’ head off, make you so emotional that you bust into tears even on the most silly things , and makes you love your family and friends more than ever.
The poor groom has to forget his “jitters” in order to make the panicking bride feel better and safe. He does so much just to make sure she is happy in the marriage. Hats off to the groom for this . Indeed, this is the time when the bride knows how much the groom loves her and how much he is doing for her and everyone else just so that no one is upset. Be it the bride, the parents (both bride’s and the groom’s), or be it the relatives he has never met before. He keeps everyone happy.
Weddings aren’t that bad after all. They bring out these emotions with bring people closer. It also makes a few people crazy, but yeah, lets just focus on the good part today. It’s a huge step for the bride , a new life altogether. It’s all a part of life I guess. Change is inevitable.
On this note, I shall take leave. I have to do a bit of panicking myself. Oh, did I mention that I am the bride this time??!! It is the final countdown for this bride now.
Shopping, shopping and shopping!!!! That’s what we hear the most in a wedding house. The aunts want to shop, the uncles have to pay. The kids want to shop, the mom’s have to pay. It goes on and on. The wedding industry sure never goes out of business, no matter what the economy is!!
I have been busy for the past few weeks and I apologise. But I have a very reasonable explanation for it- I was busy shopping!! You see, marriage is not about two individuals promising to be a part of each other’s life. It’s also about buying ridiculously expensive stuff in the name of marriage. You buy everything new. Even the stuff you hardly ever use or maybe never use. It’s all about shopping. The bride buys everything new. Her entire wardrobe is new. Everything from her hairpin to her slippers, her toothbrush to her floss!! I mean, that must cost a fortune to tell you the truth and the parents are more than happy to spend all of the money. Their happiness lies in buying their daughter everything. Love is communicated in various ways in Indian marriages. Buy gracing your head and giving you a ten rupee note, or by buying you all the shit possible in the mall!! It’s all love.
I used to never understand the concept of gifts in marriages until I saw how happy the parents or relatives get when they gift their daughter something. I used to be of the mind that it is a sheer waste of money and resources, but then it hit me that sometimes you have to let go off the practicality and let the others do what makes them happy.
So, ending on a happy colourful note here people . I need to go shop more !!
Weddings are all about numbers. Oh, and also family and relatives and all those other aspects. But first and foremost NUMBERS!!
How many people will attend the wedding? How much are you spending on the preparations? How many gifts are you joining to get?
And Indian weddings- how many gifts is the bride going to take along with her? How much jewellery is she taking? What is the cost of her attire? The number game goes on and on. I mean, the more the numbers, the better the status(supposedly).
Oh, and was it mentioned that amongst all of this , the bride and groom are just silent spectators, siting and looking pretty. Their parents do everything but don’t forget that they do complete the formality of “asking” their kids regarding decisions . For example, “Son, we are doing this . You are fine by it, right?” , asks the father with a look which might pierce through the son’s skull. And the son nods and acknowledges the same.
This is an on going process. Relatives, neighbours, friends, everyone is on superhero mode when it comes to weddings. They have the wedding preparations on their minds round the clock. It’s what makes them happy. It’s like the next big thing for them. Behind all the turmoil of the preparations is the love of the family and friends for the bride and the groom which is somehow hidden due to the pressures of the surroundings.
There are two sides to every story. This is the wedding story!!
As you are all aware that the hot topic on my blog currently is Indian Weddings, I am going to throw light on more areas which are going to take some people by surprise and some are going to get an epiphany on the same.
Were you aware of the fact that the most dangerous of all the species in Indian Weddings are the aged Aunts?! You need to always keep your guard up when around them. Reason ?? I will elaborate on that. Weddings are an arena for the aunts to either look for young, rich, handsome bachelors for their daughters/Nieces and the likes. If not that then it is an arena for initiating uncomfortable talks with young married couples to start a family aka “have a baby”. Aunts like twisting the simple traditions into a web which will make you do a simple ceremony in 10 different ways leading to the same outcome. But you will have to go through the various tasks just because the aunts are senior citizens and you don’t want to upset one. It won’t be a lovely sight if you do.
All over the world, it is a known fact that Indian weddings are so colourful. Sure they are, no doubt about that! But did you know how much of crap a person has to deal with behind those colours. First of all, there is not just one ceremony in Indian weddings. There are like a series of ceremonies, functions and rules to follow. i shall pour light on all the functions one by one later, but for now lets focus on the numbers. Atleast 4 functions back to back. That means, 4 sets of decorations for each, 4 sets of ridiculously expensive clothes for each and 4 sets of extremely heavy , larger than life photo albums for each!!
The brides parents lose their sleep, as it is their nightmare if even a tiny cog is missing and is noticed by the grooms family. Its more like an inspection by the grooms family rather than a marriage. I mean, way to go for extending your family ties. The months which the brides parents prepare for the wedding, the house is inflammable. Even a tiny spark can create a fire with no bounds. Even the bride knows not to interfere with the parent, relatives and their plans. Let them do their stuff, the brides job is to go to the salon regularly, spend a copious amount of money on bridal packages for 2-3 months and look pretty.
That is another sneak peak I gave you on the “Desi Weddings” in India. More updates later on. I have certain tasks to complete for the wedding!!
For those of you who do not know how Indian weddings are, this might be a new concept altogether. But for those who know what exactly Indian wedding are, you will surely side with me(atleast most of you will ).
Weddings in India are not just a girl and a boy getting married, it includes the entire family, distant relatives, family friends, friends, neighbours, relative’s neighbours, the entire street and half the city getting married on the same day.And then people say it is a “Private Affair”.
Preparations starts well in advance, just like any other wedding in the world. That is normal. What is not normal is that more focus is given to the guests than the actually family of the bride and the bride and the groom are not allowed to see each other much. Money is spent more on the relatives and the likes rather than the bride herself. In India we have a season for weddings. So it is a business boom for the wedding industry. Why use normal roses when you can get them “Imported” from some other city which will cost you thrice than the usual. Why gift local dry fruits when you can get the “imported” ones from another country.
What I fail to understand is, how will the other person know if the cashews are from my own city or from Vietnam. Well, I do understand the status issues, but come on!!! CASHEWS!!! Do you people know how much of time and money is wasted on just deciding which cashwes are to be ordered. And that is just the 1st thin crust layer of the triple decker cake I am talking about.
India is a country of a variety of cultures and full of traditions. This is what is most appealing in our country; the culture , heritage, history and colourful traditions. But did you know that half the traditions done in our weddings make no sense. They are not standard traditions. The same society people have ten ways of following these same kind of tradition. So what will the common man do? How should he follow the tradition so that everyone goes home happy?!
Sigh! As I said, this is just the 1st thin crust layer of the triple decker cake I am discussing about. More of it later. I have a wedding to prepare for!!
For all those worker bees out there, I totally relate to how the days go in a flash and you have no idea how! How days, weeks , moths pass and you have no idea what you have done with your life except “work” . That desk job you have, it ain’t your dream. If it would have been your dream you would have been living every moment of it. So this has been established that 90% of the people around the globe detest their jobs.
Also, most of you have bosses as sweet as the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland. So you get the picture. When we all know all these things, why am I writing this post?
Well, I am undergoing ilk emotions like the rest of you.I too have a dream. It might seem impossible. Everyone thinks their dreams are impossible and nothing can be done. Well, if you brood over it and never believe, thats what is actually going to happen. Show credence to whats important yo you. What drives you and your soul. Its the impossible that will one days ave you. The rut you are in, it will be replaced by something so powerful that your mind will be racing all day and you will be happy about it.
It ain’t easy to just leave everything else and follow your dream, but I do not suggest that either. I would rather say, keep your dreams in the loop all the time so that you may improvise. Have faith. Credence is the key !!